The game vs. the Kangaroos, Gold Coast, Canberra, North Melbourne gets off to a inauspicious start. Turning up at the Collingwood membership tents roughly 15 minutes before bouncedown, Mrs Pica having not received her members card yet, we find a line of bemused (putting it nicely) Collingwood members, all waiting less than patiently for their cards.
Missing Paul Licuria’s farewell lap, we hear the roar of the crowd at the opening bounce and it feels like 1994 again, standing outside any number of Sydney clubs. Fortunately there’s no “one in, one out” policy here and 10 minutes into the game, we find our seats. From the blue and white clad family in the row in front, I learn that Josh had won the toss and going on this years trend of “coin toss win=loss”, I resign myself to this predetermined fate.
We’re breaking from spectating tradition this time. Knowing that, like in Round One, we’ll be way up on the third tier, I’ve packed in the walkman to help out with clarifying proceedings that occur way over in the other side of the field. With one earplug in my left ear and one in Mrs Pica’s right, I dial through the stations , trying to find one that reaches us up here in the mesosphere. An all too brief first quarter is capped by a Didak goal from beyond the 50.
The sloppy play continues through the second quarter, with an Ablett-like failed one handed speccy by Daisy (he held the ball as long as Ablett did, anyway) and some typical groundwork magic from Leon, the only highlights. North are gifted a shot on goal at the half-time siren, thanks to an unsure Heath Shaw switching kick, but fail to take advantage. Pies by 15 at the half. They’ve built their lead in a dour manner, and the subdued Magpies cheersquad reflect it. The scoreboard tells me, in between ads for beer and cars, that there have been 8 total contested marks in the first half (5 to 3 Pies).
Collingwood hold the Roos at arms length for most of an uneventful third quarter, and take a 5 point lead into the final break. Neon kicks the first sausage roll of the last term, the Roos quickly reply and Medhurst counters immediately, in typically nonchalant fashion. Fraser adds another and according to SEN, the ‘Pies are taking the game by the “scruff of the throat”. I should do this radio dealie more often. Fraser crumbs, an underappreciated aspect of big Rogan’s game, baulks and goals. It’s 95-74 and we’ve got a firm grip of the scruff right now.
But North aren’t paying any attention to the malaproping radio men, and narrow the gap to 15, then 8. And then 3. There are roughly 10 mins left. The Roos cheersquad find their voice, and a multisyllabic chant and suddenly find themselves in the lead.
Now, one thing, amongst many others, that make this game of ours so fantastic is the odd shape of the ball. The ability to read the bounce (and often a small sprinkling of luck) can determine the result of the individual contest and in some cases, the result of a game. On the other hand, there’s the next 7 seconds. Umpire Sully takes one step, arcs his arms back and slams the ball into the centre. It bounces on a 45 degree angle, whistles like a Howitzer shell past Fraser and directly into the arms of Simpson for the Roos, with an open path into the Magpies 50. They goal, and Sully is the first field umpire in footy history to be credited with a clearance. The Kangas are home.
Or possibly not. Medders goals and on the ensuing bounce, the Pies push forward one last time, and somehow find Didak open, streaming toward the goal with no defender in his way. 999 times out of 1000 he’ll slot this, but 999 times the ball doesn’t defy the fundamental laws of bouncing Sherrin physics, either. He misses. North goal again, and the siren sounds.
That night, after meeting up with some of our southern friends at Lygon St, I have a fitful sleep. It’s punctuated by nightmares of little men dressed in blue and white, like angry smurfs, dancing around footballs bouncing off all kinds of impossible angles.
